Boundary Setting 101
I heard the word “boundaries'' for a long time before I ever knew what it actually meant for me to set healthy boundaries in my life and relationships. What do you typically think of when you hear the word boundaries? What keeps you from setting boundaries? For me, I didn’t know how to set boundaries because I didn’t know what boundaries I needed to set. Keep reading for tips on how to start setting healthy boundaries!
Boundary Setting Tips
Start monitoring your energy levels after spending time with friends, family, or your daily activities. What drains your energy? How do you feel after spending time with friends or family members? There are some relationships that feel safe and warm to be a part of, especially when you can show up as your whole self. But there are other relationships that require more out of you, especially if you find yourself holding back or being the “go to” person. Identifying your energy levels is key to understanding what boundaries to set and with whom.
Consider how often you are engaging in energy replenishing activities. Oftentimes, the busyness of life can leave you with minimum time to rest and reconnect with yourself. Finding a daily ritual that allows you to slow down and just exist, within your own humanity, is often a boundary itself.
Identify your emotions. Identify the activities and the relationships that you want to say yes to. Now, identify the activities and relationships that require more out of you. Start considering what kinds of boundaries you need in the relationships that require more. Maybe it’s setting unspoken emotional boundaries with certain family members by not sharing as openly as you might with your best friend. Or maybe it’s saying no to that happy hour with coworkers that leaves you feeling super anxious, almost like you never left work in the first place! Whatever it is for you, paying attention to how you are feeling in these situations sheds light on what kind of boundaries might be helpful for you to set.
Use your voice. Sometimes, saying “no” is needed when implementing boundaries. Maybe it’s saying “no” to a certain weekend activity in order to engage in an energy replenishing activity. Or maybe, it’s using your voice to say “no” when others’ words or actions are causing harm to you or someone in your community.
Things to Consider
There is no one right way to set boundaries, and sometimes boundaries may be unspoken. It is important to consider what boundaries are best practices for yourself and your community. Ultimately, boundaries are a way to engage in loving community with ourselves and with others.
